The episode of “The Celebrity Apprentice” that aired on April 3, 2011 is entitled “The Art of the Deal.” Mounting frustrations within Meat Loaf become apparent as Team Backbone goes shopping for art supplies. Meat Loaf’s target? Gary Busey. The conflict escalates when Meat Loaf cannot find his supplies when he wants to start working on his creation. In his dilemma, Meat Loaf believes Gary Busey has taken his stuff. Meat Loaf’s explosion, and the responses of the rest of Team Backbone in dealing with the situation, keeps viewers spellbound. How much is Meat Loaf’s explosion a representation of what happens behind closed doors amongst regular people in domestic or other situations? What can we learn about the constructive mindset when we share similar feelings?
When we feel frustrated about something, like missing art supplies, we form the destructive mindset by understanding ourselves in relationship with the person who we believe is responsible for the situation. In Meat Loaf’s case, he understands his frustration and anger in relationship with Gary Busey. Gary Busey is blamed, and becomes the problem in Meat Loaf’s glaring eyes. The way to manage the situation leads to one of power, expressed verbally and possibly physically. “Don’t mess with me!!!”
Gary Busey, to his credit, does not engage in such a way as to produce an escalation. He holds his ground to what he knows to be true. Would I do the same? It is so easy in such a threatening situation to defend oneself or counterattack: “Don’t you dare treat me that way! So you want to take me on, do you? Go ahead and try, if you’re man enough!” I also thought Gary Busey kept his cool when other members of Team Backbone took his art supplies to appease Meat Loaf. Gary Busey was innocent in this situation. Why should his team-mates take his stuff to appease Meat Loaf? Why not offer your own stuff? Gary Busey seemed to willingly acquiesce to help out Meat Loaf in his time of need.
To the credit of the other members of Team Backbone, they intervene in such a way as to decrease engagement. This prevents further escalation and enhances a cooling down in order to bring resolution. Although the technique to bring a cooling down is appropriate, what is often inappropriate in such situations is the belief that the emotions are the problem. The goal becomes to manage the emotions/anger so that a destructive outcome can be avoided. In the meantime, however, Meat Loaf is still frustrated that he does not have his art supplies. Not having the supplies is his basic problem.
Meat Loaf is not the problem, Gary Busey is not the problem, and Meat Loaf’s frustration/anger is not the problem. What is problematic, however, is the destructive mindset that Meat Loaf forms in the face of the real problem, that of missing art supplies. When Meat Loaf forms the constructive mindset, he understands his frustration in relationship firstly with the problem, that of missing art supplies. He may announce: “I can’t find my supplies, has anyone seen them?” The rest of the team may help him look for his supplies, offer to lend him some of theirs, or possibly go back to the store. If it did turn out that Gary Busey took his stuff, then it becomes a situation of mistrust that the entire team would be challenged to sort out.
The scene of reconciliation between Meat Loaf and Gary Busey is wonderful, but hopefully is completely sorted out. Gary Busey is challenged to forgive Meat Loaf, and defines forgiveness as: “F O R G I V E – Finding Ourselves Really Giving Individuals Valuable Energy, and my valuable energy is my unconditional love for you.” The saying is an indication that forgiveness is a relationship issue which is a matter of choice; you forgive the person and open up the possibility of a healthy relationship with that person which is energizing for both. Meat Loaf in turn is not only challenged to be repentant of his actions toward Gary Busey, he is also challenged to forgive him for a variety of issues accumulating over the past episodes.
Is Meat Loaf repentant? Has he forgiven Gary Busey? Only time will tell. He may be expressing sorrow for his emotions/anger. If he believes his anger is the problem, then he continues to have a challenge the next time he is frustrated. What will happen then? Don’t touch that dial!
Many anger management programs, to which Meat Loaf, Gary Busey, and Donald Trump attest, are valuable and can be successful. But if the anger management program is bent on making the anger the problem, a person’s ability to be successful in managing anger is only as good as they are at controlling anger, like the ability to cool down. Sometimes you need supportive friends around you, like Meat Loaf had. But what if you are on your own? You may be the strongest person around – you may be the husband and you are ticked at your wife, and it is only the two of you present. Will you be abusive? How will you cool down? The previous Celebrity Apprentice episode revealed that some of the celebrity women are victims of spousal abuse.
The constructive mindset approach does not vilify emotions, but teaches that our emotions alert us to problems (potatoes). If Meat Loaf is repentant of his actions, and proceeds to validate his anger in terms of the problem (the missing supplies), then he is truly free to teach himself to form the constructive mindset the next time he is upset/angry, and relate first according to the problem rather than blaming himself or someone else, like Gary Busey. After an explosion like we witnessed Meat Loaf having, he is also at risk to blame himself and decrease his sense of self worth/self esteem. Learning to form the constructive mindset also helps him to forgive himself and liberates him to tackle further problems, which are bound to occur in future episodes, constructively. Only time will tell what happens next. Stay tuned!