The movie Her explores the dynamics of a fulfilling relationship, and the limitations in achieving the fulfillment that we desire. Being in relationship implies the interaction of two objects. In human relationships, each person has a choice to relate with the other in either a benevolent or malevolent attitude. The benevolent acknowledges and respects the other as a unique and independent identity with its own needs; the malevolent does not acknowledge the other as unique and independent, rather may ignore the other, use the other for their own purpose, or act in an openly adversarial way against the other.
Most human relationships are a mix of being benevolent and malevolent to some degree. Because we all suffer from “broken thinking,” there are times, despite our best intentions, in which we relate with others in a malevolent way, even though it is benevolent for the most part. Having awareness, or being mindful of the attitude of our mindset, is necessary to develop an understanding of relationship dynamics that we may encounter in our lives. This awareness helps us to work out rough patches we may encounter in our otherwise benevolent relationships.
There are so many relationship dynamics in play in the movie Her. Of course, along with the relationship dynamics the movie presents is the experience of emotion, for emotions are basically our sensory organ for relationship attitude dynamics. This includes witnessing the emotion of the characters in the movie, as well as experiencing our own emotions, as we view the movie and get drawn into the story.
One of the relationship dynamics in Her that I would like to comment on is: when the main character Theodore first interacts with the new artificially intelligent operating system, or OS1, he is instructed to say something about the relationship with his mother. Not a direct quote, but Theodore answers something like: “actually what I found frustrating about my mom, umm, when I tell her something about my life, her reaction is usually about her.”
Theodore’s statement is very telling, for much of his subsequent experience with his further encounters with Samantha, the “artificial intelligence,” becomes about her. There are more examples in the movie of relationships that Theodore has with women, which become about “her.” For example, his phone sex encounter, for one. In the end it becomes clear that Theodore has a true friend in his friend Amy, who by the way, also experiences a relationship with a significant other that becomes about “him.”
It is said that a mother’s love is unconditional. This implies a benevolent regard for the child. Unfortunately for Theodore, his statement about his mother implies a malevolent attitude in his mother toward him, in the sense that she does not recognize his unique needs. She does not enter with him into a conversation that is about him. She is not benevolent toward him in order to help him sort out what is happening in his life at the time.
In strong relationships, both people assert their ideas and needs to the other, as well as listen and empathize with the ideas and needs of the other. This is mutual acknowledgment and respect, a benevolent and constructive way to relate. I am thankful that there are stories written and movies made that help us to get perspective in the very real and important social and emotional dynamic of our lives.
I recommend the movie Her to those who have interest to explore how the various relationship dynamics in this story compare with their own experiences, and see what can be gleaned. And for that matter, it is also worthwhile to explore the many Shakespeare stories. They are rich in the exploration of emotion and relationship dynamics, which is why they are timeless.