February is upon us, and is a month to think about love and compassion. Please read a message about compassion by His Holiness the 14thDalai Lama of Tibet at: www.dalailama.com/messages/compassion. How are the message of love and compassion as taught by His Holiness and the concepts of the constructive mindset similar? At what points do they differ? The following discussion is written in the context of reading His Holiness’ message first.
First, a summary of constructive mindset theory: the concept of forming the constructive mindset acknowledges that man consists of more than a material body. Thought, reason, and emotion (including anger) are considered to exist within what is called a “soul,” which is further considered to be as human a characteristic as having arms and legs. Relationship dynamics, which include the practice of love and compassion, are considered to be functions of what is called “spirit.” The body, soul, and spirit interact with each other to make us human, but we are likely never to be able to fully understand how they interact.
Anger is considered to be a secondary energizing emotion in the context of a problem, and anger management is defined to be the process of dealing with the situation. It is important to point out that the definitions of anger and anger management within constructive mindset theory are not the same as how they are understood within standard psychological frameworks.
The idea of forming the constructive mindset is further developed as observed in practical experience:
- You encounter a problem. The problem usually occurs in the context of a relationship: someone else (or you) is “letting you down.” In other words, there is an injustice.
- You experience negative emotions, including anger, in the context of the injustice.
- Your anger energizes and motivates you to address the problem because an unacceptable situation requires a solution.
The mindset you form, in the context of the preceding progression of emotions and thoughts, affects your anger management (behaviour, actions):
- Forming the destructive mindset means that you understand your emotions and thoughts (the soul component of your humanity) in a primary relationship (the spirit dynamic of your humanity) with the person responsible for the problem. It means you either focus on blaming yourself or someone else, depending on who is responsible for the problem. It is clear that this primary relationship is unreasonable, because a person is never a problem. The resulting anger management (action or behaviour) becomes destructive and is based on power. It is the “me versus you” mindset of a primary relationship between you and whoever you blame for the situation. An example of how you may manage the situation is to retaliate against the other person.
- Forming the constructive mindset means you understand your emotions and thoughts in a primary relationship with justice or fairness, which is what the problematic situation is actually about. Focussing your mind first in terms of a relationship with the injustice is reasonable and gives you the ability to address the problem. This is true, because the injustice would be an injustice no matter who the person responsible is. The problem is therefore the injustice and not the person. The resulting anger management becomes based on truth, and liberates you to be within the “we’re in this together” constructive mindset. The constructive mindset allows you to deal with issues and communicate in a loving and compassionate manner. You are free to respect yourself and other person(s) involved in the problematic situation.
In reading His Holiness’ discussion about compassion, it is clear that the concept of the constructive mindset shares similarities with the concept of compassion as illuminated by His Holiness the 14thDalai Lama of Tibet, but there are also differences.
Some of the differences arise because of the way specific words are defined. It means that the way of understanding the dynamics involved is shifted. I hope that the following discussion helps to outline the differences. I refer first to His Holiness’ discussion, then to the contrast in constructive mindset theory:
- Anger is portrayed not only as an emotion, but is also presumed to be linked only with the destructive mindset. This definition places anger within both soul and spirit dimensions, which has the risk of being confusing. For example, the concept of anger is seen as being similar to hatred, which in turn implies a focus of relationship directed against a person. This definition clearly portrays anger as being limited to occur within the destructive mindset, and is why anger is considered destructive, something weak, and to guard against. But if anger is understood to be an emotion without the implication of a relationship dynamic, then it does not necessarily lead to hatred (the destructive relationship dynamic). Anger as an emotion can also be understood constructively, in which a compassionate and respectful mindset (the constructive relationship dynamic) is possible.
- Relationships are valued, and the interdependence of humans is highlighted, but there is no specific acknowledgement of the relationship dynamic of humanity as being a tangible and definable entity such as occurring within the realm of the spirit. The concept of relationship is therefore limited to occur between people. This has the result to assign the task of the individual to change the (implied) destructive way of relating with people (i.e. hatred) to the (implied) constructive way of relating (i.e. compassion and love) totally as the power to be altruistic, that is, to be a friend. The prize is to be happy: the better you are at treating someone as a friend, the closer you are to achieving the prize. The concept of “being fair” is therefore not acknowledged to occur within the context of a relationship, that is, a relationship with justice.
Constructive mindset theory recognizes the relationship dynamic as being an integral component of humanity, and links it to the spirit dimension of a person. A person has a relationship with himself/herself, with others, with nature, pets, with teachers, work, possessions, higher powers, etc., and with justice. The individual’s relationship with justice is therefore viewed as a necessary component to help him or her gain insight about the situation and to deal with it constructively. Compassion and love occur within the context of the constructive mindset without further effort.
- In the discussion about compassion, the concept of being happy is understood to be the goal of life. I understand this goal in terms of attaining contentment, joy, and peace, which are concepts that occur within the spirit dimension of a person. It is possible, however, to interpret the goal of being happy as a motivation to primarily experience the positive emotions rather than to be overwhelmed by the negative emotions that go along with suffering. The process can become a work of the soul, that is, a work to deny or diminish negative emotions and seek the pleasure of the positive emotions. Altruism is promoted as the primary economic choice to be made in life. You will be happy if you treat others well. Is this a “selfish” rationality of living? It looks like a way to promote survival and happiness in an otherwise hostile world, which is noble. In order to achieve happiness, however, a relationship dynamic (spirit) is promoted: i.e. treat others in a friendly, loving, compassionate manner, and you will be rewarded with happiness.
In constructive mindset theory, emotions (soul), whether positive or negative, are understood to be a natural part of life, but not what life is about. Emotions are considered to be conditional with respect to the problems/events of one’s life. The relationship dynamic (spirit) is either under the direct influence of the emotions (leading to the destructive mindset) or understood in terms of justice/fairness (the constructive mindset). The goal of life becomes healthy and fulfilling relationships: a healthy relationship with the concept of justice/truth, which in turn liberates one to enjoy healthy, compassionate relationships with others and with the self. Contentment, joy, peace, and “happiness” are seen as relational concepts that occur as benefits of healthy relationships, rather than as the goal of life. This theory respects religious affiliation, because it is clear that the concept of higher powers is linked with the concept of justice/fairness.
The similarities between His Holiness’ message and constructive mindset theory are woven throughout the message about compassion:
- The composition of a human is more than merely a material reality.
- Compassion and love imply the constructive mindset.
- Hatred is destructive – be aware of and guard against the destructive mindset.
- We need each other – compassion (the constructive mindset) enhances unity.
- An innate self-centeredness easily gets us into the destructive mindset.
- The destructive mindset is about power, but is shown to have limits and is therefore weak. The constructive mindset is about truth, which is limitless and most powerful. Compassion and patience are powerful because they are constructive.
- People are not your enemies, but the destructive mindset is what makes life more problematic.
- People that treat you in a destructive way can help you to gain insight about the difference between the destructive and constructive mindsets. You can use interactions with people as ways to learn how to “love your enemy” and treat him or her as an old friend.
As long as man has been around, attempts have been made to make sense of the human psyche. Seeing similarities and understanding differing views helps us to confidently and collaboratively work towards defining the truth about who we are, how we live, and how we relate to each other and our higher powers.