It’s that time of year again, when many sports leagues are winding down, and determine their champion, for example: Stanley Cup playoffs in NHL hockey, NBA playoffs, European soccer leagues, the UEFA Champions League, and CONCACAF Champions League, to name a few. Sport mirrors life in so many ways, one of which is the player’s relationship with a set of rules.
The rules of play set a standard or structure in which to understand what the game is about and the context to understand how to achieve success. Context to the standard implies relationship. The standard in a sport applies equally to all involved: players, coaches, trainers, referees, and fans. Every person involved relates to the rules. For example, it is not uncommon to watch a hockey or soccer game and become aware that the fans are calling for “offside!”
Whenever there are rules, however, we witness what we humans can do with relationships, because we form a relationship with the rules. If the relationship is constructive, we have the freedom to let the rules be the rules, and to honour and respect them as such. It is true, however, that we will question the validity of a certain rule of play, and eventually the sport governing body may decide on a rule change. The playing of this sport will then adjust to this change. In a constructive relationship with the rules, we have the freedom to honour ourselves, which means we can explore how to excel in the sport. We also have the freedom to honour others in their pursuit of excellence in that sport. The integrity of the game and of the players, fans, etc., within a constructive relationship between them, is upheld.
On the other hand, if our relationship with the rules is destructive, there are other consequences. The destructive mindset results in our relationship to be based on power. Rules will seem to be powerful, therefore we may seek ways to enhance our power over them, or power over those that preside over them (i.e. a referee in a game), in order to derive an advantage for our own purposes. The destructive mindset gets us to think and relate in a “me versus you” way, against other players, the referees, the coaches, fans, etc.
Most sports have fouls (potatoes) for what is considered unfair play. For example, fighting in hockey is considered a major offense that is penalised by what is called a major penalty. However, many hockey gurus argue that fighting “is a part of the game.” Therefore, within this thinking, players and coaches are purposely recruited for the very purpose of fighting, and to do so at what is considered an opportune or advantageous moment in the course of a game.
As well, some sports, like soccer, are known for players purposefully “diving,” in order to con the referee into calling a foul against the player or team supposedly responsible for fouling the player who fell. This is done in order to gain an advantage, but does not appear to uphold the integrity of the sport. “Cheating” implies having power or control over the rules, the referees presiding over them, and therefore the opposing team. It is another demonstration of the power-based, “me versus you” destructive mindset.
So, in the destructive mindset, we can find power to manipulate the rules in order to work toward gaining an advantage. As discussed above, this tendency is seen at work within the sporting world. There are, however, other ways in which we can manipulate rules in order to derive a sense of control in our world.
The bending of the rules takes on a personal flavour if we are obsessive. With obsessive-compulsive tendencies, we create our own set of rules with which we relate and become a slave to. Our own rules become powerful over us. It is a situation of tyranny. We impose our rules on ourselves and over others we live with. We become both “governing body” and player within our own set of rules. There is little, if any, room for mercy. We lose our creativity within such a rigid and oppressive regime. Any failure of ours to live up to our rule is a potato we are responsible for. When we fall short of our expectation, the destructive mindset we form makes us to be what the problem is.
The rules we create become our tactic to seek resolution. We therefore make up another rule in order to gain freedom, but the rule imprisons us more. As examples, the rule we create may include counting, checking, or a ritual of some kind. The very tactic designed to make life better makes life increasingly more rigid and therefore worse.
To break out of our prison, we must learn to form the constructive mindset with “rules.” We become free to let rules be rules, seemingly as a personal entity with its own unique personality. We become free to challenge the validity of any rule, whether created by ourselves, or generally accepted in society, within a communal discussion. We recognize ourselves and others to have a voice in what is reasonable and right. We are able to steer clear of becoming a tyrannical “lord of the rules.” We become free to let us be us, to let others be who they are, and to learn to live our lives, thriving with excellence while playing and living with creativity within the rules we are in relationship with.