I’ve heard psychologists describe the sexual arousal of men to be like microwave ovens, and that of women to be like slow cookers. Perhaps this is another way of differentiating men and women as has been done by suggesting men come from Mars and women come from Venus. It means that men get aroused quickly, and that women take time to heat up. I suppose that could be a reason for men to remember that “sex begins in the kitchen.”
In most circumstances, sexual arousal would be linked with what we call positive emotions, although unfortunately exceptions apply. But as far as thinking about the constructive mindset, the man needs to remember that the woman is not a microwave oven like he is, but it does not necessarily mean that she is against him for not responding according to his timetable. And likewise, the woman needs to remember that the man is a microwave oven, and not a slow cooker like she is.
Within the constructive mindset, each individual is interested to let themselves be who they are; not to view themselves as problems if they are not responding according to their partner’s demands. The other side of the coin is to let their partner be who they are; they are not necessarily who they wish them to be and are not necessarily against them. The constructive mindset liberates people to let their ‘yes’ be ‘yes,’ their ‘no’ be ‘no,’ and to experience life together as a unit rather than as competition and conquest.
When it comes to negative emotions, I have heard women marvel at how men can get angry to high intensity quickly, deal with the issue, and then carry on as if nothing happened. I wonder if this dynamic is another example of the microwave oven and slow cooker phenomenon. Women, on the other hand, generally tend to anger less quickly, but when angered, linger in wrath, holding a grudge for a long time. You may hear of women implying superiority compared to men for apparently staying controlled longer and not getting angry so quickly. Men on the other hand value quick and decisive action, implying superiority compared to women who take longer to make a decision.
Of course exceptions occur and so there are female microwave ovens and male slow cookers. But the point here is that whatever intensity you feel your emotions, and regardless of whether you are a microwave oven or a slow cooker, you are interested to train your mind to form the constructive mindset.
A consequence of the destructive mindset applied to a microwave oven may be impulsive behaviour and possible tragic outcomes. The destructive slow cooker may harbour hatred and resentment, with possible consequences of depressiveness and/or anxiety. The constructive mindset does not make life be about and controlled by emotions, but accepts emotions as they occur, and liberates the person to be mindful and experience the full adventure of life.