The Bully Mentality

According to Helpguide.org, bullying is “repeated aggressive behavior that can be physical, verbal, or relational.” Physical bullying consists of “hitting, kicking, or pushing someone…or even just threatening to do it; stealing, hiding, or ruining someone’s things; making someone do things he or she doesn’t want to do.” Verbal bullying consists of “name-calling; teasing, taunting; insulting or otherwise verbally abusing someone.” Relationship bullying consists of “refusing to talk to someone; excluding someone from groups or activities; spreading lies or rumors about someone; making someone do things he or she does not want to do.”

 The results can be serious: “You are made to feel hurt, angry, afraid, helpless, hopeless, isolated, ashamed, and even guilty that the bullying is somehow your fault. You may even feel suicidal; Your physical health is likely to suffer, and you are at greater risk of developing mental health problems such as depression, anxiety, low self-esteem, or adult onset PTSD (post-traumatic stress disorder); you’re more likely to miss, skip, or drop out of school to avoid being bullied.”

 There is no doubt that the bully mentality is a manifestation of the destructive mindset. Although the Helpguide.org website is a resource for “kids, teens, parents, and teachers,” there is useful information for adults as well. This month’s article explores the destructive mindset of bullying, and the contrasting freedom of the constructive mindset. We will explore attitudes in professional hockey and the movie Ip Man 2. 

The bully mentality appears to be accepted and valued in professional hockey. Players in games use physically and verbally aggressive tactics to establish domination over their opponents. The players who exhibit such actions are interpreted by commentators as “leaders” who “make a statement.” Little is made of the constructive actions of opposing players who stand up for themselves, but do not take the bait of dishing out “like for like.”

 Fighting in hockey is understood as “part of the game,” even though the act is penalized.  The penalty is supposedly a deterrent, and proclaims that fighting is against the spirit of the game. Viewed as part of the game, however, players are seen to openly negotiate a fight with each other, their team-mates openly applaud their efforts, win or lose, and their applause is applauded by commentators. If an act that has the consequence of a penalty is also accepted as “part of the game,” then the sport loses its integrity in attempting to discourage other destructive acts. For example, when it comes to headshots, how can the sport, with any credibility, be taken serious about stiff penalties and imply that the “penalty” means the behaviour is not in the spirit of the game? The concept of a “penalty” appears to have little meaning in how the game becomes interpreted.

 Teams are encouraged to have players who act as “enforcers,” as if the integrity of the game does not require the enforcement of fair play by referees. Referees are encouraged not to interfere with the destructive tactics of the players, “letting the players play the game.” A game that is not officiated and enforced by neutral referees loses a sense of fairness and becomes about the destructive power of two teams, one against the other, displayed in attempts for physical dominance and victory for the “strongest.” The strategy of the sport becomes interpreted to play within the destructive mindset in order to achieve success.

 An episode in Star Trek, The Original Series, is entitled A Taste of Armageddon. At the climax of this episode, there is a discussion about fighting between Captain Kirk and the leader of a planet at war with another planet. The leader debates: “There can be no peace. Don’t you see, we’ve admitted it to ourselves. We’re a killer species, it’s instinctive. It’s the same with you.” Kirk replies with passion: “All right, it’s instinctive. The instinct can be fought. We’re a human being with the blood of a million savage years on our hands. But we can stop it. We can admit that we’re killers, but we’re not going to kill today. That’s all that it takes, knowing, that we’re not going to kill, today.” Can we say the same about fighting or dishing out headshots in hockey, or about any kind of bullying?

 In the past off-season, some professional players showed evidence of depressiveness and apparent death by suicide. Is there a connection with the bully mentality? Is it fair to imply the bully mentality is rampant in professional hockey? You be the judge.

 In the movie Ip Man 2, the destructiveness of the bully mentality is displayed in a different sport; one that is about fighting. The movie casts a champion Western boxer as a bully. He taunts the Chinese and eventually kills the man who is seen as their leader. Ip Man stands up to him and accepts his invitation to fight. His attitude toward the Western boxer and his sport of boxing does not mirror the boxers’ attitude toward him, but he nonetheless does not back down. The constructive mindset is not weak; it is strong indeed, but with a different kind of strength.  At the end of the fight that he has won, Ip Man maintains a constructive mindset: he honours himself as well as the Western boxer. He does not behave in a way that blames or dishonours his opponent. The listening crowd accepts Ip Man and his integrity. The constructive mindset is very powerful. Ip Man eventually trains Bruce Lee, who is destined to become famous. The YouTube video of the fight scene and aftermath in Ip Man 2 can be accessed via the Facebook link.

 www.facebook.com/pages/Edmonton-Emoti-Games-Ltd/123639187690715?v=wall

 It is almost time for the annual Christmas celebration. Whether you believe in a powerful God or not, the idea of a God coming to visit as a dependent baby rather than as a dominating and controlling monarch is thought-provoking.